What the F?
by idiotsistuhs2
Summary: story is created by little sis. is about Nessie having 2 move in w/Jacob whn old enemiies come for her... wut does Edward think about this? ... ha, ha -big sis.
1. movies

**um... idk wut 2 put...**

**uh I guess, here's the story...**

**enjoy XD**

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"Why are you doing this to me Alice?" Jasper asked.

Alice was wrapping a tie around Jasper's neck.

" 'cause we're going out tonight,"she said.

"Do I have to wear a tux?" he asked.

"Yes, now hold still. There; finished.

"Were are you guys going exactly," I asked from the couch.

"None of your business little lady," Alice answered. She looked around the room. "Where's Jake?"

"I don't know," I said. "I don't keep track of him all the time." Of course, all I have to do is buy a tracking device but I'm not one of those creepy weirdos. I trust him. Mostly because he imprinted on me and it hurts to be away from me. If not for those reasons, I'd have tracking devices on his ass all the time. Joking.

beep, beep, beep...

"OK Jasper," Alice said,"come on it's time for our date."

She and Jasper walked out the door holding hands. They have such a strong relationship.

I went to the kitchen and popped some popcorn. I'm going to be watching movies with Rose and Emm. Of course they're not eating ay snacks. Obviously cause they are full vampire and I'm half vampire.

My phone started vibrating on the counter. Someone had text messaged me. Jacob.

_Jake-wrud(what are you doing)_

_me-just popping some popcorn. wrud_

_Jake-with seth and leah in la push_

_me-all the way in la push_

_jake-yeah. be back sometime _

_me-bye_

I slipped my phone in my pocket.

I hate living in Alaska. It's cold all the time and weird going to school. I have to wear big, heavy coats all the time. We've been living here for two years. Jake still lives in La Push, well since we moved here to Alaska. He spends half his time here and the other half in La Push, Washington. I'm pretty sure the neighbors wonder where he is all the time and if he's burying dead bodies.

They also sure they wonder why he walks around with no shirt on in the winter.

"So Nessie," Rose said from the living room, "when are we watching the movies?"

"At seven," I said as I walked in the living room with the popcorn bag in my hands.

"What movies are we watching anyway?" Emmett asked.

"Well," I began. "We're only watching this new movie called The Eclipse and then the second season of that show made in the early nineties called In Living Color.

"Sounds cool," Rose said.

I looked at the two of them.

'You're just gonna snuggle up to each other the whole, won't you."

"Most likely," Emmett said. "But when it gets to men on film I'm gonna be watching." He did the around the world and back snap.

"Emmett," I said.

"Yeah?"

"Don't do that."

I agree," Rose replied. "It makes you look gay; I know you're not gay."

"Well," I said, "the men who do that bit act gay."

"Oh." *awkward silence... dan dan dah!!!*

_Yeah, Rose, your really would know he ain't gay... how many houses was it that Daddy said you broke...? _I heard Dad giggle upstairs.

When it was six fifty-five, I put the DVD in and sat on the chair with the popcorn. Aunt Rose and Uncle Emmett sat on the couch as well.

_UGH!!!_

I fell asleep halfway through the movie. Emmett woke me up when it went over.

Time for In Living Color.

When the episode came to Men On Films, Emmett mimicked them.

Jasper and Alice walked in while this was going on. "You alright, Emm?" Jasper asked.

"Yup. Just acting stupid."

"Oh... Okay."

"Where you planning to go to sleep at, Nessie?" Alice questioned.

"On the chair, I guess." With that my eyes got heavy and I drifted to sleep.

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**i no this is short, but if u like it, i'll keep writtin'.**

**pleez review!!!!!!!**


	2. random

**so this is my 2nd chapter. enjoy.**

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I woke to Emmett and Jasper throwing a basketball back and forth. My mom and dad,Bella and Edward, were sitting on the couch. Alice and Rosalie were telling them that Esme would be pretty mad if they break the window, which she would. Every time we move to a different house, they break one of the windows several times.

When Emmett threw the ball to Jasper the door opened and the ball flew right past Jacob's head.

"What the hell," Jake said.

"Emmett and Jasper were being idiots by playing toss with the basketball," Rosalie explained.

"I thought Esme told them not to do that because they could break a window," Jake said.

"You think they're going to listen that?" Bella asked.

"Not really," Jake replied.

"If anyone cares," I started, "I'm awake"

"Oh," Alice said, "good morning."

"Yes," Jacob said walking towards me, "Good morning." He was leaning in to kiss me when...

"Umm, I don't think so," Edwards aid. I'm in the room you know.

Jacob rolled his eyes and stood up straight beside me. Just in case you're wondering, Edward is like any other dad even though he's a vampire. That really sucks!

"So blondie," Jake said to Rosalie, "I have another joke for you."

"Don't care," Rose said.

"How do you drown a blonde?"

"Don't care."

"Put a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of a pool."

"I've heard that one before. Get new jokes. How many times have I told you that mutt."

"Okay," I said, "Maybe you should just stop talking to each other before this turns into a fight."

"I agree," Jake said putting his arm around by waist. Edward growled and Jacob took his arm away from me. I had roll my eyes at this one.

_"Over protective grouch," I thought._

Edward just glared at me.

_"Sorry," I thought. _

"You know," Alice said, "every awkward silence either a gay baby is born or a puppy dies."

Awkward silence.

"Gay baby," Alice laughed. Everyone looked at her.

"What," Alice said, "No one likes it when a puppy dies."

"Alice," I said.

"Yeah?" she asked.

"You are so random."

"Well it was so quiet, I couldn't stand it."

She's right, it was pretty quiet. But she didn't have to say that! We're not on a comedy show!

"How's Leah and Seth?" Bella asked suddenly.

"Oh, they're fine," Jake said..

I haven't seen them in a while. The last time I saw Leah she was pissed because of something Seth did. Yep, that's Leah for you.

"How long has it been since they were here?" Alice asked.

"A few months," Rosalie said. She smiled. " I 'm alright with that."

I bit my lip. Rosalie is such a lovable vampire who wouldn't do anything bad to others. Yeah, and I'm Santa Claus. I sighed and checked the clock to see what time it was. seven thirty a.m. Wow, it's early.

"Actually," Jake said loudly, which scared me since I'm right next to him. "I think they're coming over sometime in the next week."

"Boo," Rosalie pouted.

"Deal with it," Jake said.

"Pushy, aren't we," I said.

Jake shrugged his shoulders. He doesn't care if he is being pushy or not. Duh! Hey, I just noticed something.

"Where's Carlisle and Esme," I asked.

"They're on their fifthteenth honeymoon at Isle Esme," Alice said.

"Feathers," I said playfully. Yes they actually told me that. Well, they told Emmett and he told me. Then I told Jake. Can you believe Edward bit a pillow during... never mind.

"How do you know about that," Edward asked me.

"Well," I said, "a little birdie told me."

Edward looked around the room at everyone.

_"IT WAS EMMETT," I screamed in my head._

"Emmett," Edward said, "I need to talk with you in another room."

When they went through the kitchen Edward picked up a frying pan. As soon as the door shut all you could hear was a pan beating something and a lot of running.

"I hate it when they do this," Bella whined.

"Me too," I said.

" They can't kill each other," Jacob whispered in my ear. Since Edward was out of eye sight Jake kissed me lightly on the cheek. He is so hot. Wait... I mean his skin is a little too warm.

Suddenly the sounds from the other room stopped. The door opened and Edward stuck his head out.

"Esme is going to be mad," he cried.

"Why," everyone said at once.

"Emmett put a dent in Esme's best pan with his hard head." He showed us th poor, ruined frying pan.

"Maybe you shoul've used the old one," Alice suggested.

"You think," I laughed. I love it when Esme blows her top because I know I'm not in trouble. I also like they're scared, little faces.

"I have a question," Jasper blurted out. How long has it been since he talked. I almost forgot he was here. "Is there even anything in Emmett's head?"

"Let's see, shall we," Jacob said. "He was trowing a ball in Esme's house, he went with Edward when he should've known Edward was going to beat the hell out of him, and he is in love with that blonde witch over there," Jake said jokingly, pointing at Rosalie. "That proves he has no brain."

"Hey," Rose said as she threw the remote at Jake.

"No violence," I said as I caught the remote right in front of Jacob's face. Wow, I'm starting to sound just like Esme. No! That makes me feel sick.

"I'm going to get a drink of water," I said leaving the room and making small strides to the kitchen.

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**i know lots of things r random in this chapter.**

**pleez review**


	3. huh

**sorry it took so long 2 write the3rd ch.**

**had writers block.**

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When I went in the kitchen I found out it was two-thirty in the morning and decided to go up to my room and sleep some more.

As soon as I got in my room I remembered that Alice had rearranged my room and painted it. The walls are yellow instead of purple and my bed is beside the window instead of on the other side of the room.

When my head hit the pillow my eyes immediately closed.

__

I'm in this place surrounded by people in cloaks. No, not people, vampires.

"We've been waiting for you," a voice said behind me.

I turned around and saw a girl, younger than the others, staring back at me. Jane.

"What?" I asked confused. She didn't say anything, all she did was stare at me. I turned to run but was stopped by a jolt of pain spreading through my body and started crying in pain

I sat there thinking about my dream. The first and last time I saw Jane was when I was only a few months old. The Volturi thought Bella and Edward had turned me into a vampire and took me away from my family. This was against the Voturi laws because young children that were turned were way too dangerous to be around. So they were going to come and destroy my whole family. They found out I was their real daughter and all his other stuff happened and they decided not to kill my family.

This was all too frightening so I repositioned my self on my bed and used Jake as a pillow. It made me feel very protected and I went to sleep easily.

When I wake up the next morning I found that Jake had put his arm around me and that he was awake smiling down at me.

"Good morning," he said, then kissed the top of my head. I swear I enjoy that Jake had imprinted on me. I didn't havr to put up with stupid, immature boyswho didn't know anything about my fammily and what they were.

"Hi," I sang joyfuly.

"So," Jake started, "I'm a pretty comfy pillow, aren't I ?"

"I guess. But who has heard of a pillow with an eight pack?"

"No one, but you and I, of course."

'Would my pillow go down stairs and get me an apple?"

"Sure." Jake got out of bed and went down stairs to the kitchen to get my apple.

While he was gone I occupied myself with playing with my hair. I was braiding it and twisting it.

"Ok," Jake said as he was walking through the door, "Here's your apple, enjoy."

I looked at the apple and their was a heart carved in th side.

I bolted straight up in my bed. I looked at the bottom of the bed to see Jacob laying there sleeping like always.

When I went in the kitchen I found out it was two-thirty in the morning and decided to go up to my room and sleep some more.

As soon as I got in my room I remembered that Alice had rearranged my room and painted it. The walls are yellow instead of purple and my bed is beside the window instead of on the other side of the room.

When my head hit the pillow my eyes immediately closed.

__

I'm in this place surrounded by people in cloaks. No, not people, vampires.

"We've been waiting for you," a voice said behind me.

I turned around and saw a girl, younger than the others, staring back at me. Jane.

"What?" I asked confused. She didn't say anything, all she did was stare at me. I turned to run but was stopped by a jolt of pain spreading through my body and started crying in pain

I bolted straight up in my bed. I looked at the bottom of the bed to see Jacob laying there sleeping like always. 

I sat there thinking about my dream. The first and last time I saw Jane was when I was only a few months old. The Volturi thought Bella and Edward had turned me into a vampire and took me away from my family. This was against the Voturi laws because young children that were turned were way too dangerous to be around. So they were going to come and destroy my whole family. They found out I was their real daughter and all his other stuff happened and they decided not to kill my family.

This was all too frightening so I repositioned my self on my bed and used Jake as a pillow. It made me feel very protected and I went to sleep easily.

When I wake up the next morning I found that Jake had put his arm around me and that he was awake smiling down at me.

"Good morning," he said, then kissed the top of my head. I swear I enjoy that Jake had imprinted on me. I didn't havr to put up with stupid, immature boyswho didn't know anything about my fammily and what they were.

"Hi," I sang joyfuly.

"So," Jake started, "I'm a pretty comfy pillow, aren't I ?"

"I guess. But who has heard of a pillow with an eight pack?"

"No one, but you and I, of course."

'Would my pillow go down stairs and get me an apple?"

"Sure." Jake got out of bed and went down stairs to the kitchen to get my apple.

While he was gone I occupied myself with playing with my hair. I was braiding it and twisting it.

"Ok," Jake said as he was walking through the door, "Here's your apple, enjoy."

I looked at the apple and their was a heart carved in th side.


End file.
